With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
