I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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