I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
