i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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