she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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