I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
