can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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