whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
