I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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