I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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