Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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