i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
