he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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