im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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