The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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