I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
