I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
