maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
