Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
