u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
