I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize