Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
