Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
