My nipple is on Facebook.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
