OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
