Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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