One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
