tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
