Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
