u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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