I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize