he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
