Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
