Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
