Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
