he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize