That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
