Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
