and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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