the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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