You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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