I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
