What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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