You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
