Jerry, you need to find god
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
