I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's blow job season.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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