I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
