its not stalking. its research.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
