all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
