im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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