saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My vagina is officially offended.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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