I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
