I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
