so explain again why im purple
no
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
