he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
