Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
