dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
