So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
