Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
