I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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