Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
