When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
