And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
