He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
