I murdered the dance floor call the cops
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
