On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
