omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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