so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
