How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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