My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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