And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
