Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
