In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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