can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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