im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
