i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize