My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
