I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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