did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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