I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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