i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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