you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
