beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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