Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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