I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
