I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
