The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
