you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
