I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
