Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
