I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
