if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
