So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
