i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
