she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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