its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
