I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
