i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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