It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize