Screwed.edu
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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