I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
