White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
