So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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