Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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