Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
