it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
