my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize